Blog-A-Rama-Ding-Dong!
Broadcasts from the underside, and somewhere over slightly to the left
Random gorillas
Sunday, May 14, 2006In Boston, it rains.
We've had something like twelve inches in the last twenty-four hours. What can a poor boy do, 'cept for watch TV and post on his blog?
Sunday TV is a strange creature, filled with wandering infomercials everywhere you turn. I have long ago decided that the best way to watch informercials is with the sound on mute. That way, you can really study the pitchman/woman as he/she gesticulates wildly about the product which will SURELY SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS if only you would send them those few easy payments! (These pitch people are, of course, always accompanied by one or more serious listeners, who ask the occasional question, but whose main function is to nod gravely at whatever the main dude or dudette is spouting.) With no sound, it's much easier to see the slightly crazed look in the pitchperson's eyes, that look that hides just behind those oh-so-sincere expressions.
When I was growing up, of course, weekend TV was a different beast. Afternoon TV was filled with old movies with names like HERCULES PLAYHOUSE, KUNG-FU THEATER, CHILLER THEATER and (my personal fave) SWASHBUCKLER THEATER. You knew just what you were getting in these flicks, both good and bad (And the mix of film packages were incredible, with -- especially in the Swashbucklers -- classic films mixed in with 50s Arabian Nights Potboilers.)
These films have now largely migrated to cable and DVD. Good old Comcast (home of the "Let's raise the cable bills again this month and see if anyone notices") now shows a bunch of "free" on-demand films, including such great stuff (at this moment) as MOTHRA and FISTFUL OF DYNAMITE (aka DUCK, YOU SUCKER.) But Comcast also shows other wacky stuff for "free". I've been catching up on episodes of SAMURAI CHAMPLOO and PARANOIA AGENT. But the best (?) comes from their "Something Weird" channel, which mostly seems to show School Scare Films and 1950s Strip Tease films. This latter category is the sort of thing that would probably have gotten you arrested 50 years ago, but the flicks now seem incredibly innocent. I will admit to checking out these shorts on occasion, and today, I wandered over and found a title called "The Gorilla and the Maiden!"
Wow. Not only strippers, but gorillas? Or, more likely, guys in gorilla suits? I was hooked!
And yes, there was a guy in a gorilla suit -- one of the worst I have ever seen (There's a worse suit in NIGHT OF THE BLOODY APES, but that's another blog.) And the bit -- the middle dance in a set of three -- besides being 99% tease with very little payoff -- was kind of boring. And yet I couldn't pull my eyes away from it. This is the strange power gorilla suits hold over me. I'll watch anything with a gorilla suit. KONGA? Not very good. THE MIGHTY PEKING MAN? Even worse! But I watch every minute. I won't actually watch stuff with the real thing (actual, living, breathing gorillas) in the film, like GORILLAS IN THE MIST. But if they would recast that flick with guys in ill-fitting suits, I'd be there in an instant!
I once gave a guest of honor speech at a Science Fiction Convention wearing a gorilla suit, What does this say about me? Maybe we shouldn't go there.
The mind wanders as I blog. I look out the window, and see nothing but rain.
